Digital matchmakers like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge are certainly holding onto relevance – yet some soulmate searchers are telling dating apps: “It’s not me, it’s you.” Indeed, America’s top three dating apps report losing more than 100,000 users last year.
Fewer than one-quarter of Gen Z adults met their partner through a dating app, social media or online community, according to a Hims study. So some folks are putting their own twist on seeking true love.
For example, an Oklahoma man recently stenciled his phone number and “Man seeks a wife,” on a placard and posted it along a rural road. And a California bachelorette is fielding 35,000 applications after using digital billboards to encourage gentlemen to fill out her online dating questionnaire.
Other date seekers are taking classes in art, cooking, photography, dancing, yoga or rock climbing to find “the one.” They’re visiting arcade bars, dog parks, libraries or churches. Some are even helping at animal shelters or food banks.
Whether you connect through social media or real life, here are some guidelines to help keep dating safe and fun.
First Date Safety Tips
- Give your date a cursory internet search before you agree to go out. Check out LinkedIn for authenticity and TruthFinder for criminal activity.
- Agree on a casual daytime public venue, such as a coffee shop, brewery or park.
- Arrange your own transportation and don’t reveal your address.
- Punctuality sets expectations for the date’s pacing and vibe – so avoid being late and always text if you’re running behind.
- Let friends and family know of your date and pre-plan an exit strategy using a text code.
- Keep an eye on your drink and food.
- Trust your gut. If something seems off, therapist Pamela Garber says you can simply say, “Sorry, it’s not a match,” and leave.
First Impressions
Research shows you have a tenth of a second to make a good impression. So just relax and follow Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy’s advice:
“Always be yourself,” says Kennedy, “unless you suck.”
Assuming you don’t fall into that category, confidence is your dating superpower, says dating expert Matthew Hussey. Potential partners are not seeking someone who just needs a relationship, he says. The secret is showing up as your confident, authentic self, and bringing your own value to the table. Stop seeking mass approval, and look for someone who specifically appreciates your value.
Meanwhile, be aware that communication reveals critical psychological traits.
“Boundaries, focus on the past, presentation of self … are all indicators of who the person is,” Garber says, “and potential for compatibility.”
Avoid knucklehead questions like: How much money do you make?
“I do think a well-meaning but verbally clumsy person is better than one who is verbally appropriate but masking issues under the surface,” Garber says.
Conversation Starters
Research suggests that being a good conversationalist can be more appealing than physical attractiveness. So, here are some questions to get you started:
- What’s your funniest childhood memory?
- Where would you like to travel and why?
- What celebrity are you most like?
- Have you ever seen a ghost?
- Would you take a free ride on SpaceX?
- What’s the strangest thing in your refrigerator?
